Day 1 - 100 Days of my love for you

This first letter is going to be rough. What to say? How to say it? I guess I’m sorry, thank you, and I love you come to mind. I may unpack more of why I want to write these to you, but for now, here you go…..

1. I’m sorry. I have been selfish. Our marriage is incredible and you serve me and the kids to such a selfless level that in many ways I have taken it…you for granted. I think I walk around each and every day with such high expectations for life and make myself the center of the story. I haven't fully grasped that you and I are meant to be ONE. I have been thinking about what I am building, making, creating, and then trying to do things to make sure you are happy, comfortable, content, and loved…I do those things because I love you, but in a way, it's who you are in my life that I love. When I pause and think about you, your heart, and your soul I do truly love you…but “my world” is so important to me (or where I spend much of my energy) that my actions are more about who you are in my life, than who you are…you are Sarah, but we are also Ned and Sarah…I must love you purely. What’s sad, is the criticism and judgment that you many times feel from me, I do to myself as well. I desire to be kinder to both of us, because we are one.

2. Thank you. Your grace is unreal. My gratitude for you…when I pause and reflect deeply…is spiritual, emotional, life-giving. You have given yourself to me…you have given me your mind, body, and much of your soul. You have given your life to me and the kids. You know us, you love us, you put us above yourself. Thank you for serving us. You have done this out of love.

BUT.

I want your heart.

That you have held closely.

I understand why.

I want to create a safe space for you to hand your heart to me.

1. I love you. I am committing to focusing on you for the next 100 days. I know God is calling me to this. He told me on May 9th, and now it's June 12th and I have done a little…but out of a checklist, not out of a deep motive to embrace my role and responsibility to love and adore my other half in the ways I was created to.

I commit to you, God, my daughters, and my son to die to my weak self and set us on a new course. Here is to a new season of our love.

Love,

Ned