Happy Valentine's Day Scottie

Italy 2024

Scottie - Happy Valentine's Day. It's just like you to make the day meaningful and special. All of our kiddos woke up to hearts all over their doors with words of love and affirmation. You gave me a cute Lobster Heart Stuffy. I love and adore you, you are so good at making every one of us feel special on days like today.

You did a post on Instagram today and it had amazing pictures of you and I over the years. We have done many amazing things together, it's incredible to reflect on. It was a great reminder because this current season has been so full - moving to our dream home here in Hawaii. There are so many photos I love of us, I love the one above. Perfect and cute. You are so beautiful.

This season has been heavy. Very full! Our time seems limited, our energy has been low, and our finances are well, at the moment...tight. LOL. There is light at the end of the tunnel, we are so close. But in the fullness there have been plenty of days where we have felt out of alignment, or even like we are each carrying a burden the other may not see...BUT, then...we have our love...the other day you were in the kitchen, I think making breakfast for the kids, and I came out of my office and was at the counter...and you said..."I love you" - but it was so much heavier than just words...I could feel it...it was and is real. You are the most important person in my life. I love and adore you.

Ah, the other day I was talking to a friend on the phone about some serious life, business, and purpose stuff...he paused me and asked, "Ned what is it you really want in life?" I paused, and said, "you know, the one thing I want to be able to say I did, accomplished, or is just true when I am on my deathbed is that I am still married and in-love with Sarah." That's the truth. I am sure I don't act like that every single day as the 'important' tasks of the day line up...but when I pause and ask what matters most, it's you, it's our love.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Love, Ned

Grammy

Sarah,

Thank you for letting me hold you last night.

Yesterday was Shirleys Birthday. She would have been 78.

I see you babe. I know when days like yesterday show up there are so many thoughts, feelings, memories, disapointments, regrets (which I think are less about what you "could have" done and more wishful hopes of what could have been).

Know that you were and are the best daughter and granddaughter to Shirley. You were incredible to her with what you had to give.

Yesterday was special. You made it special. You honored her. You made red enchiladas, bought flowers she likes, had cake and her favorite ice creams...you even had her favorite candies...Werther's Originals. You did all of this because you want her to be remembered. The kids and I sat around the table sharing memories about Shirley.

She loved you, and she loved our kiddos. And Sarah, you loved her, you were there for her. Don't forget that.

Her life was blessed, her life mattered, and her memory, her work, her love for God is revealed in you. She gave you what she had to give, and you have built an incredible life with me from that.

Sarah, I love when you share your heart with me. I want you to know I see you. When you let me hold you as you feel the weight of life, I get to know you more deeply.

With all my love,

Ned

Grief

Yesterday was one of the worst days in 18 years that you and I have experienced as parents. I don't want to write about it, I don't want to think about it, I don't want to deal with it. As I spent some time journaling and praying today, I thought about you. As much as I don't want to write about this, because I want to pretend or wish that it didn't happen, it will forever be a part of our parenting story.

The moment I do want to remember is us being a united front. The experience revealed to me how much you have grown, how much we have grown, how wise you are, and how incredible you are as a mother.

As we sat on the couch yesterday and you shared you heart, I saw you with fresh eyes. I saw your motherly heart open up vulnerably. You had grace for me. You heald a standard for our kids. You didnt just look at the consequences of the matter, you looked at the heart, the emotion, the hurt and the pain.

I see you.

I love you.

I couldn't do this life without you.

I am saddened by what has happened. But I feel hopeful that together we can navigate this as we move forward.